Roadblocks, Deathbed, & A Car for Sale

First, it was a goal, then it became a habit that if not acted upon soon enough, I’d grow anxious.

Photo by Natalya Letunova on Unsplash

After a few months of daily blogging, today was a day that almost broke my streak. I couldn’t let this happen, so here I sit, feeling as if on my death bed, using every ounce of energy I have left to write a blog post. Does this make me insane or committed? I feel that it’s possibly both. Just a heads up, if this turns out to be complete nonsense, I apologize; I feel as if not fully present in myself, but I’ll get to that soon.

A slight detail that I mistakenly omitted in Pt. I was that amidst booking housing and flight arrangements, I didn’t have my passport at the time, nor had an appointment to get the ball rolling. After naively splurging for the next chapter of my life, I had one last [salient] on my to-do list. To my dismay, obtaining an appointment slot to apply was months away. With this I say, before anything, book or even apply for your passport before any housing/flights! With the timeframe it takes to have a passport shipped to me, it was cutting it fairly close to my departure date. Thankfully, after another slight detail I looked over (they only accept money orders or checks!), I was able to get approved and had my passport within several weeks.

This dream of mine to see the world has been held onto for years on end, which soon turned to a plan of action. For months, I planned and planned as grew more anxious by the minute. Planning and organizing is something that comes fairly easy to me, but knowing when enough is good enough, is rather foreign. Over fall, I let loose my grip on creating “perfection” with my life abroad. Recently, possibly about two-ish weeks ago, I was reminded of another salient detail that I allowed to slip my mind.

As naive as is sounds, COVID was not on my mind when planning. I don’t watch the news and try to stay away from anything involving the topic of unless prompted to do so. I had been recently vaccinated at the time of planning, so I thought it was enough and life would be peaches and daisies. The other day, my dad asked if I’d checked into the regulations required for entering each place I am staying. My heart sank as to I replied with a scoff, “Psh, yea.” In my mind, though, it whispered to me a four-letter word beginning with “F.”

Ten minutes later, I was on my computer indulging myself with the topic I tend to avoid, and my mind said, “hello anxiety!” once again. This Sunday will be exactly seven weeks from the next chapter of my life, reality has settled. I completely despise this topic because it's exceedingly controversial, but to be frank, the cases are skyrocketing. Up until this day, I was not afraid of obtaining this dreaded virus. Soon, though, my to-do list was filled once again, and my attention was shifted to merely this topic. All in all, I’m just trying my hardest to be smart about COVID…I did get a little carried away and too confident for a while.

Yesterday, I got my booster shot and saying that I feel as if I got ran over by a bus then body slammed by a sumo wrestler is an understatement. Mostly because I’m dramatic and those similes don’t do my current state of suffering justice! I didn’t sleep in a “correct” position, so my back is aching atop of other aches, which makes my back spasm. Here’s another simile for you: Back spasms are equal to randomly being shot in the back with an arrowhead. I also feel as if the person who did my shot did it in an aggressive manner, so my arm feels immovable along with a rager of a headache and a slight fever with chills. I know I said that I love a good contradiction, but having a fever and chills…how and why?

If I’m being honest, a majority of the things on my to-do list are menial, but another of the few major ones is sell my car. Today was going to be the day to take out all of the junk I’ve crammed in it, but after this post, I’m disconnecting from reality with a who knows how long nap. As terrible as it may sound, this discomfort of mine was more of a necessity, a wakeup call to slow down.



"suivre le papillon jaune"

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